When parents divorce, one of the most important decisions they make is how to parent their children moving forward. Many people are familiar with the concept of co-parenting. However, there is also parallel parenting. In certain circumstances it may be a better choice for parents and their children.
Co-parenting is a collaborative approach to parenting in which parents work together to raise their children after divorce. It involves frequent communication and shared decision-making. Co-parents regularly discuss school matters, medical decisions, extracurricular activities and discipline. They may attend school meetings and events together, and the rules are consistent across both households.
How parallel parenting works
Parallel parenting is an approach designed for parents who have problems communicating or high levels of conflict. Rather than working together, each parent does what they think is best during their time with the children.
Communication in parallel parenting is typically limited and occurs through email, text or parenting apps. Decision-making authority is clearly divided between the two parents. Its main goal isn’t so much collaboration as it is conflict reduction. It allows each parent to have a relationship with their children without exposing them to ongoing tension and hostility.
In addition to a lack of communication, parallel parenting offers little flexibility. In co-parenting relationships, parents are often allowed to adjust schedules or decisions informally. Parallel parenting relies on court orders, detailed schedules and clear rules to avoid misunderstandings. Judges prefer to see cooperative co-parenting relationships, but that doesn’t mean it’s inherently better.
Determining the right arrangement for your family
How former couples approach parenting depends on their ability to communicate, the level of conflict and your child’s needs. Family courts seek arrangements that serve the child’s best interests. In high-conflict situations, co-parenting can do more harm to children than good. It’s not unusual for families to begin with parallel parenting and transition to co-parenting over time as emotions calm and communication improve.
Choosing the right parenting approach is more than an emotional decision; it also could have long-term legal implications. Therefore, it’s crucial to work with someone who can help you determine whether co-parenting or parallel parenting is more appropriate for your family.